Rambling On With Kristoff

Ahhh, what a day

2008-05-07T15:49:00.000-07:00

Today has been a wonderfully nice day. The sun has been shining, it's been gloriously warm, and I wasn't stuck inside!!

Even though it isn't officially summer until about this time next month, it sure feels like summer, and we've already had more of it than last year, with it's blink and you miss it summer season.

Today, I was woken up by Roo, and I got up and went down to the control room, got my laptop out, and went on MSN. When on there, my good friend Eloise asked me to go out for a walk with her, so she got in a taxi and came round to the studio. We started off the day by me showing off the size of the projection screen, we took photos stood next to a massive picture of her tits. We're pretty classy, I don't know if I've ever mentioned that.

We went out onto the promenade, and walked down it, with a can of pop each. I felt like reminiscing my childhood, and opted for a can of Shandy Bass, something I used to always drink at my nanna and grandad's, usually with a packet of Walkers Prawn Cocktail Crisps, whilst reading The Dandy and The Beano (The Beano was WAY better in my opinion). So, we were walking along the promenade, got up to Central Pier, and decided to go on the big wheel, something, in my almost 21 years of life in Blackpool, I've never been on. Ever. It was great fun, and as you can see, El loved it!!

"Hi, My name is El, and I'm fucking terrified!"

After scaring El on the big wheel (the reason she looks so scared, is because not only I was trying to spin it round by grabbing the pole in the middle, the ride operator of the wheel span it round when we came to the bottom on seeing me trying to spin it... twice), we carried on walking up the promenade, stopping for photo opportunities, such as me walking along the wall that follows the promenade, which I think is a cracking photo.

"Hi my name is Kris... now admire my skills of walking!"

We eventually made it all the way to the worlds biggest mirror ball, and hung out there, had a good sit down too (we were shattered, walking in heat like today!). We popped over the road, went into the solaris centre (which is a complete waste of time if I'm being honest), we went down onto Highfield road, popped into B&M bargains, bought ourselves some San Miguel, a can of G&T for El (my birthday present for her) and a can of salt and pepper cashew nuts. Went a bit further down the road to the Tesco, and I got myself a pasta and chicken bowl.

We carried on further down the road and sat on the grass in the park and had a picnic! Look at us lounging about, having fun!!

What better things could you suggest for such a summery day?

Oh... I know! How about a BBQ when I got back to the studio? Well that's what we did have ourselves for tea when I got back to the studio, and glorious it was.

A day, crammed with Shandy Bass, Central Pier, The Big Wheel, The Worlds Largest Mirrorball, The Solaris Centre, B&M Bargains (who sell cheap booze!! :D), Tesco, Picnic, BBQ with jerk chicken, chipolata chorizo sausages, smoked bacon chops, burgers and some nice fancy flatbreads. Washed down with beer (including the amazing Cobra Lemon Grass Beer, which I think I have mentioned before.

I'm off to drink more beer now, and be more sociable.

Peace.

Kris

Bank Holiday Shenanigans

2008-05-06T06:35:00.000-07:00

Ahh, May. A month with two bank holiday weekends in it, to do whatever you feel like doing.

Well, I'm going to bore you with tales of my weekend.

It started slowly on Saturday, when I woke up with no plans for the weekend, having decided to not bother going to Preston for a party, as it was needless expense. So, I spent Saturday daytime mooching around the studio, I went for a walk into town. General Saturday stuff really. I was in front of the TV with a beer in my hand for Doctor Who (which I am watching on iPlayer right now on a BIG screen)

So, in geek tradition, after Doctor Who finished, I went onto the Doctor Who Forums to discuss the episode and all that. A couple of pages in, and the internet stops working. "Oh no!!" I think to myself, what did people do before the internet?... ahh... they saw people... in real life... I remember that, I think.

I went to the party in Preston.

It was fantastic, at a new coffee shop that opened yesterday in Preston town centre, called Harbl's. There were loads of people I only knew the Prestone forum, and not IRL. What a friendly bunch of people they all are, some of them are fit too ;) haha!!

The night was fun, I started off with a can of beer, went onto a mug of tea (I had to support the business), and then Red Stripe. There was acoustic music upstairs, I sang The Prostitute Blues, it went down well (no puns please!!), everyone enjoyed it, Bill Orrick sang some songs, I went downstairs, drank beer, socialised, Lord Beaker gave me beer too (he's the owner/admin of Prestone) which I was very grateful of. There was a slight altercation between one of my friends friends who tried to steal my beer in a jokey way, but was drunk and came across aggressive and got kicked out of the place.

I was there till about 5am and went to crash on the sofa of Fort Meme (thanks to Hex, Chojin and Procopious for letting me stay there, not that they will read this blog), also thanks to Harbl and Partyvan for the great night, free tuna sammich and the lift home in The Partyvan.

I woke up on Sunday morning at Fort Meme, and felt pretty good. I was made a brew by the other nice lady, whose name I must apologise for forgetting, who lives at Fort Meme, played with Kai the dog, and went off into town, grateful for being given a crashing space and being offered it whenever I needed it.

In Preston city centre, I went to a gig at The Mad Ferret, where I spent most of the day with Crumble, trying to drink away a hangover that had caught up with me by that point (I hate hangovers like that). Throughout most of the gig we were in the beer garden, huddling underneath the parasol, as the rain had began to set in (and it was lashing it down!!). Sat underneath a parasol in the pissing down rain, surrounded by a million smokers, drinking gin and lemonade... just how I love to spend my hangovers.

After sticking it out till about 8 o'clock, I had to retire back to Blackpool and curl up and die.

Monday morning came around, and off it was to spend a bank holiday Monday doing something quite productive, helping my dad move house. There's not much to talk about other than it involved quite a lot of lugging things upstairs and carrying things to the new house round the corner. A tiring day.

I returned back to the studio, and there was no internet. STILL. I couldn't believe I'd managed so long without access to the internet!!

So, without internet, here is what happens...

You go to parties
You go to gigs
You help people move house
You read a good 150 pages of a book about zombies...

Basically, you get a social life... it's bloody crazy I tell ya!!

Anyways, I've written quite enough now.

Kris

I WAS RIGHT!!!

2008-05-02T20:11:00.000-07:00

OH YES!!

DANNY MILLER WON!!

YES!!

I AM SO GREAT!!

Next week, the south west.

I'll let you know who is going to win ;)

Danny or Noel?

2008-05-02T20:06:00.000-07:00

Great British Menu?

I'm watching it on BBC iPlayer now.

I put my money on Danny earlier on.

My 50th blog will hopefully confirm my suspicions.

Kris

I fucking HATE Pete Doherty

2008-05-02T07:01:00.001-07:00

Not because he's a talentless drugged up waste of space. That doesn't really bother me at all.

What does bother me, is that I like to wear a trilby, and last night my band played a gig, and after the gig, I put said trilby on, as my hair was a sweaty mess. I was wearing jeans, a tequila t-shirt and some trainers, other than the trilby, nothing like Pete Doherty.

Much to my annoyance, SIX separate people came up to me making comments like "aw'right Pete, aren't you supposed to be in jail? hur hur hur", "Are you supposed to be Pete Doherty?" and the most fucking annoying one, two pissed up hippies who'd just been to see Björk at the venue down the way, hassling me for ten minutes following me round trying to get photos with me and saying "I'm a bit embarrassed to be talking to you Pete, but could I get your autograph"... it wasn't funny when they first said it, it was met with silence from their other friends, yet they carried on for about ten minutes.

It really got on my nerves, and they weren't giving in so I had to leave the pub for a bit.

So basically, I just want Pete Doherty to stop wearing trilbies, because I wear them, and I'm not him

Kris

BBC iPlayer and why I love it

2008-04-30T13:35:00.000-07:00

I'd like to say how much I love BBC iPlayer. It's bloody great, and I'm going to now dedicate a blog to the programmes which I mainly watch on it, all three of them, and they're all reality television programmes.

Now, I can sense some of you already shaking your heads at the fact that I watch reality television, but no! This isn't Big Brother we're talking about (well, it's BBC for a start, and we all know Big Brother is a Channel Four programme), but the following three programmes.

Great British Menu - A cookery show, where two chefs compete against each other to cook a meal for my culinary hero and many other top chefs from across the world, at The Gherkin in London.

The Apprentice - A show, where 16 of the country's best (read completely incompetent idiots) businessmen and women compete to land a job as an apprentice to Sir Alan Sugar.

Funny Business - A comedy talent show, looking for a welsh comedian, who goes on to win a £30,000 contract with the manager of The Comedy Club who promote comedians and own comedy venues across the country.

Now then, let's discuss these shows in a bit more detail, or to be exact, no discussion, just my opinions.

Firstly, Great British Menu, we're onto the last of the heats at the moment, and for all but one episode, I've predicted the right winner (the episode I got wrong being the Welsh episode, neither of the chefs where Welsh anyway, they just lived there!). At the moment they are in Northern Ireland, and the two contestants are Danny Millar and Noel McMeel, and my money is on Danny Millar. I like underdogs (Noel has been in it before and has more experience of the competition), also, the welsh competitor who lost had been in the competition before, and she lost the last time around, and the Noel lost the first time around, so I've got a feeling that he will lose again.
The emphasis this year is on modern British cooking, and whilst both have some modern techniques in their cooking style, Noel presents his meals in a very classical way (and some I would call somewhat twee), whilst Danny's meals not only employ modern cooking methods, but also push boundaries of what people come to expect, desserts are tomorrow, and then judging on Friday, and we'll find out if my tips are right then, the proof is, as they say, in the pudding (ho ho ho).

The Apprentice is something I've only gotten into this series, but I'm finding it compelling viewing, and a fellow blogger I've come to know about through Rhys' blogs has already blogged about it.

I can't really comment much on the contestants (known as candidates in this programme), because as a foodie, this business stuff isn't something I'm too familiar with (unlike how I can comment on chefs and cooking styles)... however, what I can say, is that I wouldn't employ a SINGLE person on this programme, I wouldn't even put them in charge of organising a piss up in a brewery, nor would I leave them to plan a shag in a brothel. They are a hopeless shower of shit, who seem to have some crazy idea that brainstorm diagrams, showing how they could promote things, spend all day in an office, and then panic when they've planned it all, yet not gotten on with it.
The level of bitching on that programme too, it makes me want to kill. Grrr, it's fascinating, but really, the people on that programme make me despair!

The final programme I have to comment on, is Funny Business, which was great, although I do not agree with the winning contestants. Not in the slightest do I agree.
The first winner was the skinny bloke, I think he was called Rob. How he won, I don't know. He just regurgitated jokes that have been going for years, that I heard when I was in school. The second winner (because they were indecisive twats) was called Kev, I think. He was a bit smutty, but that doesn't bother me... what bothers me is that he wasn't all that funny with smut, in the semi's and the finals, he made mistakes, in the semi final, he totally forgot his lines, and they put him through because he recovered it. In my opinion, he should have been dropped from the competition because of that, and sent to do more gigs, practise in front of more people and not forget lines.
I think the overall winner should have been the guy who went on last, I can't remember his name, but he did a joke about him looking like Elvis Costello. I liked him, I like Elvis Costello, he's good, and he was funny (not Elvis Costello, I've never heard him tell a joke, I'm talking about this comedian who did a joke about him looking a bit like Elvis Costello)

In short, BBC iPlayer is great, because I live in a place where the TV doesn't receive signal that well, and the only thing I watch on it is Doctor Who, and when I'm not watching that, Matt is playing on his Xbox with it.

This has been my longest blog in fucking ages, and my fingers are tired.

Kris

Coffee and Croissants can fuck off

2008-04-26T04:47:00.001-07:00

All you need is a cup of tea, none of that pansy French coffee nonsense. It will set you up for the day, I tell ya!

Why am I telling you this I hear you ask? (that's a cue for you to ask that out loud, then you can carry on reading) Well, it's because a wonderful thing just happened, and I feel it really shows the connection we have here at the studio. I put the kettle on, without telling Roo, I went upstairs to get dressed, I came back down dressed, and Roo was in the kitchen making brews for us both. Tea is such a wonderful thing! Who would have thought that a few dried leaves stewed in water could bring such unity amongst people?

Another reason for blogging today, is to share with you all some pictures of my bands gig on Thursday at The Blue Room, I think this one really sums me up as a person;

Mildly Dangerous

Ooooh, look at me, I'm such a rebel aren't I?

Well, I can't be bothered chatting much more, but do check out the rest of the pictures here

Kris

Last Nights Gig

2008-04-25T05:06:00.001-07:00

Well then, last night Peter Simple played our second gig ever, and my god it was immense. I'll post our set list later on in this blog. I'm really enjoying only doing vocals, and using my guitar every now and then. It means I can really jump about, get into the audience, skank, injure myself in varying ways with microphones and act out my songs a bit more (I think in the style of musicals, most of the songs I write feature characters, which in my head have a back story and such)

The set list for last night was;

Theme from Bottom
The Ballad of Sonny Gritts
Can You Feel The Love Tonight?
Getting Everything But Having Nothing At All
Monkey Man
Where The Hell Are You?

We started off a bit shaky and tentative, but it really got good (although I forgot lyrics to Getting Everything But Having Nothing At All) towards the end, with my personal highlight being Monkey Man, it's at that point where I really jumped about, I climbed things and jumped off them, cutting my lip open (like in the old days with TEPODD) when I landed, sang the "la la la's" with my mate Jake, skanked with strangers. I think during that song, we definitely sounded at our best, the band was tight and well rehearsed, and everything was good!!

After the gig it was time for a couple of drinks, I say a couple... I dare not open my wallet to get an idea of how much money I managed to spend on alcohol, I'm hoping that I was bought drinks more than me buying them. There was drinks at The Blue Room (where we played) over a game of GIANT WOODEN CONNECT FOUR (which I lost all three games I played haha!), then we were going to go to Frenchmans Cove, but decided not to and to go to Scrooges, where I was bought a gin and tonic... then it would seem we went to The Tache, I have vague memories of it, but it's confirmed by the stamp.

Anyway, enough of me wittering on, I'm bored and need a brew.

Kris

Well, I've been up for over an hour already today

2008-04-24T02:47:00.000-07:00

I've been up for an hour already today, which at 10.40am is a rather shocking thing, it's going to be a rather quick blog post as me and the guys at the studio are going to look around a hotel that they are considering getting for us to live in, (although then I will need to pay rent, so if you're an employer and reading this blog, gizza job mate).

So far today, I woke at 9.25am when the new Mac Pro came for the studio, now I think I've mentioned this before, but I live in a recording and rehearsal studio, it's an interesting life indeed. Recently their PC decided to melt, so it was an ideal time to get on with the upgrade on the studio of getting a Mac Pro, which are much better (apparently) for using to record music and media editing stuff.

The Mac Pro was supposed to arrive with a projector for the HUGE projection screen which is now on the wall facing me as I type... safe to say, it didn't. What it also didn't come with, which wasn't something it was supposed to come with, was a PCI Express Card (I think that's what it is called, Dan keeps saying it on the phone). The PCI Express Card is needed for them to be able to do music based things on the Mac... thus rendering the studio temporarily unable to record bands, which is no biggie, since nobody is in until the bank holiday weekend, but it means that Interracial Buttsechs (our studio band to test new equipment) can't make any music, our next song is going to be a jazz song in 3/4 time.

Anyway, I must dash, hotels to look at and such.

Kris!

Living in a recording studio

2008-04-22T15:31:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone reads this, but yeah. If you don't already know, I no longer live with my dad (partially on account of him driving me batshit crazy), and I now live at Rock Hard Music Group's recording studio. It's an interesting life, takeaways at least twice a week, living with a mental rotweiller/german shepherd cross, which spends half it's waking hours shitting and pissing inside the unit. Oh yeah, it's a warehouse too.

Today however, I made a start of getting them used to eating healthily, and made a nice Mediterranean style warm salad, it was very nice indeed :)

Band stuff, well, we've been rehearsing quite a bit, the band is ever increasing in size too, we have a gig on Thursday at The Blue Room in town.

I'd blog more, but we're listening to some tunes on youtube, and I have beer to be drank. If I don't blog more, email me at kristoff_ska at yahoo dot com

Kris

Home Alone

2008-03-11T07:34:00.000-07:00

No! I'm not talking about that crappy film featuring the worlds ugliest kid, but I am home alone. It's absolute bliss, not having my dad breathing down my neck every ten minutes. I know, I know, I sound like some little brat who hates his parents, nah, I don't!, but my lord my dad can be annoying hahah!. I have my favourite room (the kitchen) all to myself, to cook myself meals for a week (so no food poisoning off my dad! - true story), I get to do what I want for a week. It's heavenly.

I went shopping at ASDA yesterday for a weeks shopping, I originally made myself a shopping list of stuff to get me through, which came to about £16, but due to my bargain hunting sixth sense, I got everything I needed (and more) for only £10.50! I was rather chuffed with myself. Extra money happiness came from when on Sunday, I found a £5 note lying on the floor when I went to the corner shop for some pastry to make a pie, so I bought myself 8 cans of lager.

Also, whilst being home alone, I can clean the house in my own time, and not being told to do it NOW by my dad, in fact, only ten minutes ago I swept and mopped the kitchen, the floor is drying, and I am starving for a bacon sammich, and I am regretting doing it all in the wrong order. I also need to pop out for milk for brew purposes (because, remember, I love tea!! :D

I'm gonna stop writing now, and yeah, chance the floor and get something to eat!

Remember to come see my band, Peter Simple at West Coast Rock Club Above on 4th April.

Love me,

xxx

I keep saying this...

2008-03-09T18:29:00.001-07:00

I keep saying this to myself, constantly;

"I'm going to get back into the habit of blogging more often"

Well, I'll tell you what, I fail at keeping promises, although not a promise to anyone (as I doubt anyone even reads my blog, EVER), but a promise to myself. You see, when I type, my fingers just run all over my keyboard, and I just don't look at all, so, I find it quite a good way to just vent, or say how I feel, just to myself almost (although I will probably be linking people to this after I have written it, so, if you're reading, hello!!)

So, my life, what have I been up to recently? It's all been a bit bland if I'm being totally honest, since January, I have been looking for a job, and failing something rotten. I don't know what I am doing wrong, but I am trying my damnedest to get myself back into having a job of some form, and nowhere is getting past the interview stage. My CV is fantastic, and the Job Centre asked who helped me write it (to which I was rather offended they were ready for grouping me with the regular gormless cretins which find their way in and out of the revolving door every fortnight to sign on so they can get pissed off their giro the following Thursday)

Yeah, I'm on job seekers allowance, so yeah, dole scum, whatever, it's the only thing keeping food in my stomach at the moment, and I hate being on it, I just want a proper job. I recently went for a typing test for a job as an audio typist, and totally flew through the test, making only one mistake, and that was only because I couldn't hear the word, I had the best results from all the people who took the test, and I never got offered the position, and I fear my interview skills are just bloody awful. Interviews are horrible, you feel under pressure to say the right things (which, fair enough, you should say), but it's an uncomfortable thing to do for me, and my dad is always telling me that I won't get jobs before job interviews (I wish I was joking, I don't know why he likes to make me feel even more scared than I already am)

So, other than the job thing, what else have I been doing? Well, not a lot, other than rehearsing with my new ska pop band, Peter Simple. We have our début gig on the 4th April at West Coast Rock Club Above in Blackpool, and if you're reading this (hello again!!!), I would really appreciate it if you could drag your sexy behind down for a boogie. We're intending on covering a couple of famous songs, and some original stuff too, so it's going to be a good night!!

Nakedness is something else that has been happening with an alarming regularity to me recently. Only a couple of nights ago, did I join The Ceramic Hobs on stage to do an erotic dance and strip tease (which culminated in me bending some guy, who came up to dance with me, over, and pretending to fuck him up the arse, and then giving the theramin player a mock handjob [his costume was an inflatable one, and it was in the way!!])

It's happened at a couple of my solo gigs too! (Well, without the audience "interaction" anyway!!)

Love has been an interesting thing recently too, but I guess if I spilt everything now, I wouldn't have anything to write about in my next blog would I?

If you're reading this (hello again!!), thanks for reading, and leave a comment on it all, so I can maybe get advice on my life/interview techniques/how to remain fully clothed and not be a drunken wanker... it is all rather helpful!!

Kris xxx

Are You Smarter Than A Ten Year Old?

2007-11-30T12:46:00.000-08:00

Is it me, or could I not get on this programme, because I actually am smarter than a ten year old?

The people on this show are thick as two planks and twice as stupid!!

What the fuck just happened?

2007-10-01T15:58:00.000-07:00

I remember saying some things in the past two years. I have changed my mind about a lot of things. I used to be quiet stubborn in my ways, but now I am opening up to doing somethings that will improve my life!

"I have no intention on learning how to drive"

I have totally changed my opinion on this now, next year, I am learning how to drive a bastarding car! All my friends are doing it, and I'm kind of feeling left out, I'll still be the hippy I am and not drive anywhere less than 5-10 miles away (depending on how much I feel like walking), because it's a fact that driving is bad for the earth, but I am beginning to realise it sure is useful.

"I can't be arsed with tattoos and piercings"

Fuck that, I'm gonna get one tattoo, a nice fucking geeky one too!! POW!!!

"I'm not going to university, there are no good courses"

Ahh, I found event management, now that looks an interesting course that I would actually enjoy!! Also, I want my own venue, what a useful thing to learn!

"I can't be arsed with a gap year"

I'm gonna go to fucking Japan and Australia.

...

fuck

Ok, so you know WHAT about music?

2007-09-30T07:20:00.000-07:00

So, yeah, TEPODD, we have a member called Arran. He's a nice kid, good on guitar. He has one problem. He needs to rebel. His parents are arseholes who don't know anything.

They have said we "need to get big in Blackpool before we play in Manchester" and wouldn't let Arran play a Manchester gig (which was shit anyway apparently) but we have to get big in a town without a music scene, let alone, a ska scene, before we play towns with a thriving music, and ska scene!!

They buy Arran an amp which is suitable for playing live with, and won't let him take it out to use during gigs. They even did the same with his guitar until three months into his life in the band.

What they know about music they could write on the back of a fucking postage stamp.

It's because of them, that Arran is being replaced on his current position and moved onto keyboards, because if he can't do a gig, it's easier to go without keyboard than without the second guitar.

It's like they want to hold us back, because their son is in the band, they feel they have some control over us.

TEPODD is it's own fucking master, and TEPODD do as TEPODD want, not because you're pushy parents who just don't understand what music is about.

What are you going to do when we do a tour next year eh? We'll just take your son, and make him rebel against you, he's 18 next year, let the poor lad live!

Cunts

What is going on in their tiny little minds?

2007-08-15T05:26:00.001-07:00

Just got a letter in the post from The Venue in Preston, with tickets for our gig in September (7th of September if you are coming, email me and I will sort you out with a ticket)

This is no problem, I read through the contract details, nothing has changed, then I look at the list of bands, this is where it gets interesting, now, I quite like most of the bands playing after having a gander at their myspaces, but I dunno what their fans are going to think of us, metal fans tend to be a little less open minded than people like me!!

So, we're playing a gig with the line up like this

Headliners : Rival Faction - Screamo (They all have shit hair but the music is pretty good)
The Emotional Problems Of Dirk Diggler - Ska Punk (More shit hair)
Machiavellian - Death Metal (Not very shit hair and quite good music)
Nuclear Autumn - Indie Pop (Shit hair, and the music was meh)

So, Indie pop fans, clashing with death metal fans, clashing with ska punk fans clashing with screamo fans.

What happened to the good old days when venue owners and promoters would book bands which complimented each others styles?

Has logic been defrenestrated?

Has common sense taken leave?

What is going on these days?

Have venue owners just gotten lazy and just picked out bands at random and said, "book them, we'll reel in the money, who cares if they get shit from bands fans who may hate them" ?

When will things return to a sense of normality?

Kris

Somewhat inspired!!!!

2007-06-30T16:26:00.000-07:00

Well then, inspired, yes. Inspired to blog, it's seriously been fucking ages since I blogged, and I want to get back into the habit of it again. I'm actually currently content with life too, and well, some things could be better, but can't they always.

So firstly, who/what inspired me? Bondy, I reply. The bearded singer songwriter from Blackpool has buggered off from Blackpool for a couple of months and is galivanting around Europe. You can read his blog here.

Yes, so life is currently good, hell, I would go as far to say it's fantastic!! I think the big news is that I am in love. Yep, me, in love, with someone who loves me back no less!! I didn't think I would see the day (I did used to whinge about the lack of love in my life, but yay, love has found me). I'm really happy to have Catherine (aka Emu) in my life. She is beautiful and completly amazing, and I love her so much. I'd best stop there anyways before you get bored of me saying how in love I am hahah!

So, yeah, news for TEPODD. Things have been going quite well recently. Quick round up, we start recording in a couple of weeks with Simon Morgan, we've gained a fair bit of popularity recently with more people coming to see us, getting asked to play gigs instead of us asking for slots, and here's the killer, we've been asked to play Rebellion Festival, which has to be the biggest gig for us this year, and it's a great chance.

Anyhoo, I just got distracted by Father Ted, and now I am really tired.

I was going to write an essay on the finalé of Doctor Who, but right now I quite frankly can't be arsed, that can come tomorrow or whenever I next blog.

Kristoff :)

Three Sheets To The Wind

2007-04-25T17:52:00.000-07:00

So, yeah. I really must apologise, I have been FAR too sober recently to procrastinate, whinge, bitch, moan, piss, hell, even grump about... luckily today, I have drank, for the first time in three days.

On the topic of booze, I completed my give up booze thing, and raised about £100 or roundabout that much, still collecting the last of it and going to be handing it in next week :)

Where was I? ahh yes, booze, so today, I finally tried Guinness Red, which I must say, was rather nice. It is like your traditional Guinness, flavour wise, but without leaving you with the feeling of having just eaten an 8 course meal. I was a bit dissapointed about the fact it wasn't all that red, but, it was a ligher colour, and if you held it up to a bright light, it actually did have a red tint. So 8 out of 10 from me. But, as you may or may not know, I do love my guinness, so for me to like Guinness Red, you know it's good stuff.

Anyhoo, drinking to be done, and I am far too drunk to do a proper blog, but for those 5 people who read this, I am alive, and I am watching you masturbate at night.

Lots of love, Kristoff

www.myspace.com/tepodd :)

And this made me laugh

2007-04-22T19:56:00.001-07:00

You Are 85% Misanthropic

You are misanthropic to the point of being scary. In your view, people are a disease.
You may want to lighten up a little - before you become a super villain!

How Misanthropic Are You?

Proper blog, coming soon

Fuck me, how long have I left it eh?

2007-04-22T17:23:00.000-07:00

Shit... I haven't actually checked... *goes to check*... Right then 6th March. So, I have left it well over a month. Blimey, what a month and a bit it's been!!

But today I am going to tell you nothing. Because I just realised I quite frankly can't be arsed!!

Still, www.myspace.com/tepodd

I'll come back in a couple of days when I have something to moan about

Geordie Accent Day 10 - Kristoff is alone in the house

2007-03-06T14:21:00.000-08:00

Yup, Day Ten of "Give up the booze you freaking alcohol fiend" challenge.

So, how am I doing? To be honest, I don't think I am doing too bad, I have already stated that I appear to have lost weight, which I am rather happy about, and I feel in better health, however I am finding that I am struggling to sleep more at present, and I also find myself meandering down to the shops, walking straight to the alcohol, wondering why I am there, then going back home.

I really can't be arsed typing much, other than today, I realised why people piss me off... again.

So, I was doing my last day of work for the YMCA shop in Blackpool, which has been a good time, resulting in cheap/first choice at books and clothes, and also when I covered for my mum, £10 for a day of sitting about reading.

The time would have been about 11am, the door is wide open, and a woman walks in, walks up to the counter, coughs loudly, and questions me, "Are you open?" she says, at this point, I wish I had a spine, as I would give her a sarcastic comment, most likely being, "No, I am quite clearly closed, the shutters are up and the door is wide open, does this look like a closed shop to you?... OF COURSE WE'RE BLOODY WELL OPEN YOU IMBECILIC MORON!".

Thankfully, for this imbecilic moron, I know better than this, and I know that, apparently, "The Customer Is Always Right"... I'm unsure on that phrase, I would opt for, "The Customer Is Most Frequently A Moron".

Then, later on in the day, I got pissed off with a bloke who came in smoking a cigarette. I stated that it is a non-smoking shop, (as are most shops in almost everywhere), and if he could stand outside with his cigarette, he apologises and stands in the middle of the shop, RIGHT NEXT TO A BABY!! A baby no more than 13months old, if that, with some old guy smoking blowing the smoke right in the parent and child's face. I then again say that it is a non smoking shop, and can he take his cigarette outside, he moves closer to the door, but still inside, then goes with his cigarette, AND POINTS WITH IT!! at an item of children's clothing, HAS THIS MAN NO BRAIN? NOT A SINGLE CELL!?!?

If you are looking at this blog old man, over your chain smoking habits, here is a simple equation;

Nylon + Cigarette = Fire

Simple as mate, it's called fire, you must have experienced it at some point in your life. I know he wont be reading this however, as he will be sat on his sofa tonight probably black as charcoal from being in a house fire due to a neglected cigarette.

Morons, every single one of them.

Anyways, the day came to a close and I set off for home, and as I passed Oxfam, I had a sudden urge to buy a leather jacket, so I popped in, the girl at the counter waved at me, 1...2...3... "I recognise you", I said cautiously letting my brain tick over, "It's Michaela", she said, of course, now I knew why I recognised her! For the record, she has changed a lot, she has stretched her ears, doesn't look dangerously rake thin anymore, and is no longer obsessed by pretty sparkly girly scene kid things. No, now she is obsessed with faux-punk, grungy, scene kid things. Out of the frying pan into the fire, I guess.

Anyhoo, she let me try a selection of leather jackets on, and I found one I like, which is very similar to the one sported by Christopher Eccleston, in his portrayal of the 9th Doctor.

Like that.

It's made from cow! I love beef.

Night all!!

Kristoff

Since I feel like utter shit...

2007-03-03T12:11:00.000-08:00

Let see what symptoms of alcohol withdrawal I am going through.

Those I am suffering from will be in red

Mild to moderate psychological symptoms:

Feeling of jumpiness or nervousness
Feeling of shakiness
Anxiety
Irritability or easily excited
Emotional volatility, rapid emotional changes
Depression
Fatigue
Difficulty with thinking clearly
Bad dreams

Mild to moderate physical symptoms:

Headache - general, pulsating
Sweating, especially the palms of the hands or the face
Nausea
Vomiting
Loss of appetite
Insomnia, sleeping difficulty
Paleness
Rapid heart rate (palpitations)
Eyes, pupils different size (enlarged, dilated pupils)
Skin, clammy

So there you go. I am quite clearly dieing

Chocolate - The new alcohol?

2007-03-01T14:52:00.000-08:00

Man that question sounds like something out of a Bridget Jones movie! Well, yeah, blah blah blah, I've given up booze, blah blah blah. You know the script now, but prior to giving up booze, I hardly ate chocolate, however, in the past three days I have eaten:

A bag of milk chocolate buttons
A cadburys milk chocolate bar
A crunchie
3 kit kats
5+ chocolate digestives
A chocolate mousse

I'm seriously worried that giving up alcohol is affecting my body in different ways, and I have a funny feeling that my liver is silently grinning thinking, fuck you heart, you're gonna have a heart attack, failing to realise that this result in the livers death too.

Livers are fucking cretinous shits.

So, today, I am sat wishing I wasn't here, I wasn't abstaining from alcohol, and that I was watching Big Hand in Liverpool who quite frankly are ace as big ladies tits. (To be honest, I don't have a thing for tits, or legs, or arse, I just like my girls either curvy or tomboy-esque, infact girls who play guitar = win) But, NO, I'm sat at the computor chomping down the afore mentioned crunchie bar praying for this to be over, although I did get another £6 in sponsorship today, taking the grand total up to £62. Not bad on day 5 is it? 15 DAYS TO GO!! WOOHOO!!

Also, I hate my college, but I'm not going to dwell on it too much, but I will tell you now, that you should never have any plans outside of college, because they will be bastards and trample all over previous plans. If you are reading this you will probably know what I am on about, and if you don't know what I am on about, you should talk to me more on msn!

P.S. Dydd Gwyl Dewi Hapus to all you lot from Wales!!

So, how is it all going so far?

2007-02-28T05:32:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm glad you asked.

So, ok, we all know, that the good comes with the bad. So I will get the bad out of the way.

I have found that, the worst thing about giving up booze, isn't the cravings, or withdrawl symptoms, no, it's the fact that it's fucking boring. I mean, right now, I am bored beyond all belief, and on a normal day, I would pop down to the pub, now, I know technically, I can go to the pub, however, I also know that if I was to go to the pub, I would end up drinking, thus rendering all these past 4 days pointless, and I may aswell never have started. So I think that the worst thing about not drinking is you become bored, it's ok if you choose not to drink, you can go out and not drink, but when you love the drink like I do, it's much harder.

Another thing I have noticed, which makes zero sense, is that I am more randy than usual. I know that sounds hard to believe coming from a guy, most people would think, "Yeah, you have a cock, you're randy all the time", which, is kinda true, but I am usually too drunk to even give a fuck about sex, I just usually moan like an emo twat about how nobody will ever go out with me, which I still think, but at the moment, I don't care, I am just ready to hump peoples legs when they go past me! (You will be glad to know I have managed not to do this....... yet... there are still 16 days left of this challenge, be afraid, be very afraid)

So the good. Much less to type about it. But my blood pressure is decreasing.

Like I said, much less to type about it. It's quite typical of me, tell me to write about ska music, and I really couldn't type much. Tell me to write about strangers, and you would be given ten pages of me just ranting about how much I hate people.

Hmm, will you look at that, technology is taking over, I said "I really couldn't type much"

What does that tell you?

'till next time!

Kristoff

My Red Nose Day Challenge

2007-02-26T03:37:00.000-08:00

Those who know me will already know, I am doing the impossible, thinking the unthinkable, and not drinking the drinkable. I am giving up alcohol for 20 days in aid of Comic Releif.

It's a scary thought innit?

Me, the drinker of all things with a % on the bottle. Not drinking, I soon expect to see shares in breweries and distilleries plummet!

But I guess it is all for a good cause, of course, the obvious reason that the money I raise will go to a fantastic cause, and help children and families in the UK and Africa that need the help.

Also, for the fact that I am going to save money, seriously, I spend all my money on alcohol these days, and what with not having any alcohol to buy, because I can't drink it, I will have money either being unspent, or spent on wiser more permanent things.

Secondly, the health benefits, I have just done my blood pressure, and it reads as 169 over 72, which, all you need to know really, is that, that its a healthy blood pressure, and the lower both the numbers are, the healthier I am. Ideally, a blood pressure more around 140 over 60 is healthier. It would be good if I can get close to that. Whilst I did it, I also discovered that my pulse at the time was 62bpm, which is bloody chilled out I can tell you that for sure.

Also, I hope I lose some weight with cutting out the booze for 20 days. Booze makes you fat, it is a fact, they don't call it a beer belly for nothing. I am currently at the Moby Dick-esque weight of 12stone, which, for a small fella like me, is actually overweight, I should be 10 and a half stone for my height I believe. I also like that weight, I used to be that heavy until I turned 18 and my waist size went west.

So, what have I noticed so far in this, day 2, of the challenge. Well, surprisingly, I haven't had the urge to drink, infact, a friend just said do I fancy going to the pub for a pint, and I really couldn't be arsed for it. As long as I have fruit juices and tea, I am more than happy. Although I don't expect this feeling of not really caring at all to last more than 4 days. It's going to be tricky, but I am going to avoid all purveyors of alcohol until it is over so I am not tempted to the dark side hahah. Also, wierdly enough, I have only have 5 and a half hours sleep, but woke up at 10:30 this morning, and got up straight away, which is something that never happens, because I have usually drank the night before. But I feel fresh as a daisy hahah!

Oh by the way, I have currently been sponsored £55 to do this. Lets see how much money we can raise for charity eh? If you wanna sponsor me, just message me via my myspace @ www.myspace.com/krisball.

Well, off to do stuff on the netterwebz!!

Kristoff x

P.S. Go Google "Jumstyle" and "Youtube", c'est fantastiqué

Pfft. Pissed off. As always

2007-02-12T16:24:00.000-08:00

Lets set the scene.

I am STARVING!

So in the oven are four fishcakes, which I intend on scoffing with mighty gusto.

So, yeah, my last blog. To quote Spike Milligan;

"I told you I was ill"

Went to the doctors, turns out, I have tonsillitis. Lovely jubly, thanks dad for not believing me. He was however quite apologetic about the whole matter. (Rightly so too)

So anyhoo, the past weekend has been, oooh, a great big full load of... no fun at all. I haven't seen any of my friends, except Mason and Alex on Sunday for about 20mins. I have felt like shit, and to make matters worse, yep, The International Day Of Me Being Single is just around the corner. Marks & Sparks ads for pink champagne and chocolate truffles becoming more and more frequent, hearts and red tissue paper in the local off liscences window, for crying out loud, A VALENTINES DISPLAY WINDOW INCLUDING 3 LITRES OF DEVON COUNTY CIDER, TENNANTS SUPERSTRONG, WHITE LIGHTNING AND RED STRIPE... well ok, Red Stripe is good, if anyone wants to get me some Stripe for Valentines, feel more than welcome.

So, also on the topic of Valentines Day, my dad is kicking me out.

Gee thanks dad!

Yup, he is kicking me out, so he can cook a nice meal for him and his lady friend.

But he hasn't thought "What if Kris has nothing to do?"

Which, funnily enough... I DON'T.

Nope, lets go through my best mates.

Mason and Alex :: Well, forgone conclusion, they are spending the evening together, they have been going out over a year now, so obviously they are out of the question.

Mully :: Well, today (also the international day of tonsillitis) Mully had his tonsills taken out. So he will be at the hospital for a couple of days whilst they keep him in to make sure the operation went ok. Thats doing something with him out of the question (Plus if I went out with him, he would end up getting off with some random girl and end up making me feel even more shite)

Cribby :: I don't imagine Cribby going out on Wednesday, and if he does, he will be going round to El's place. Now, even though we have made up, I don't seem to get invited round there any more. So thats him out of the question.

Vegan :: He just got a girlfriend recently and is always talking about her to me on msn. It annoys me that people seem to want to flaunt the fact they have relationships in my face. So thats him out of the question too.

It's at this point I think to my less closer friends ::

Greg :: He has Hannah, they will be together... out of the question.

Corby :: She will get drunk and be a state... out of the question.

Hannah :: She has Greg... out of the question.

Onion :: He lives in Liverpool and has a driving lesson... out of the question.

Edward :: He lives in Manchester, and well... out of the question.

HELL! I even asked SmarterChild and he was vague and changed the subject.

Oh and girls, don't get me started on them, whenever I tell a girl how I feel towards them, they suddenly change the subject.

So, I am left with two definates.

1) On Wednesday, I am going to be wandering the streets of Blackpool for about three hours whilst my dad has a lovely time, whilst I am on my own, freezing cold, with nothing to do and noone to do nothing with.

2) I am going to be single forever.

Kristoff

x

Illness

2007-02-08T12:00:00.000-08:00

Yeah, so just a very small rant today about illness.

Yesterday I was off college due to nausea and flu like symptoms. My dad doesn't know this, I knew he wouldn't believe me, so I went off to my mums house and hid away there, and acted like everything was normal. The evening progressed, I felt fine then. So I went to bed about 1am after watching a programme on the Gumball 3000 (which for those who don't know me, is one of my ambitions to do before I die, along with learning how to pilot a helicopter and own my own pub)

About 3am it would have been, I still hadn't been able to sleep, I run to the toilet to yawn in technicolour. I was quite loud, but nor did my coughing all night or my retching above the toilet bowl wake my dad up, I even said through the door "Dad, I've just been sick but I have cleaned it up"

So this morning, about 8am, he pops his head round the door and says "Are you getting up for college?", in what sounded like a sympathetic voice, it sounded like the sort of voice that implies, "Are you feeling well enough for college?", I presumed this is what my dad meant, I said "No, I still feel rough"... actually, I croaked it, yup, I woke up this morning without a voice, merely a rasp. Cue my dad to start shouting at me saying that I was just pretending, and that it's because I'm not getting EMA (which I am not, but it aint my fault, the EMA office have fucked up, and my dad wants some rent money) I tried telling my dad through my rasp that I was really ill, and his words "I don't care, get up and go to college", everytime he kept saying that when I tried to say something until I took a big deep breath in and told him to fuck off.

Those who know me well at all, know that for all the swearing I do on stage and with my friends, I make a habit of never swearing at my parents, first time I ever swore at my father was when I had my drink spiked and was completely out of it, and I have no reccolection of this, but even then I controlled myself and never used the word cunt apparently. Second time was this morning. And that is in my whole life!! So you can understand how pretty pissed off I was.

At this point he grabbed my guitars and threatened to throw them out the window saying "That'll get you out of bed" It was an idle threat, and I knew he wouldn't do it, but he came back puzzled to see why I wasn't following him.

Why was that you ask?

I was in bed coughing and choking and retching. Also at this point I think he then noticed the fact I could hardly talk, then he left me alone after making me ring up college and tell them I wouldn't be in.

So I went back to sleep, and woke up at 12:30pm, when my dad told me he booked me a doctors appointment. I thought, "Great, my throat is caning, lets see if the doc can't fix this"

My appointment is tomorrow.

It is now 8:25pm, and my voice is almost back to normal, about 70% better.

Yup, so tomorrow is the day I walk into the doctors and proclaim in a Brian Blessed mannerism, "I HAVE LOST MY VOICE"

Fucking laughable joke that is getting an appointment with the doctors these days.

I said short rant didn't I?

Here I am

2007-02-06T14:13:00.000-08:00

So here I am.

Kristoff.

If you are reading this now, I have probably just linked you to it, and you are thinking "Well, it's better than myspace"

yeah.

sure.

So, as I said, "here I am" I am here sat at the lappytoppy with a glass of beer. It is quite nice, it is a blonde beer, called Leffe Blonde (Look how I did that blogging thing of linking to certain words). To be honest, it's got a lovely flavour, and as a blonde or white beer, it's perfect with a nice sizeable chunk of lime...NO LEMON... why can't my local shop have lime, I asked them and she suggested I use some lime jiffy in it. I settled for lemon, it's as close as I am gonna get, so here I am (again) drinking it, and it's really quite nice, and it reminds me of summer.

What a great time the summer was eh? Lounging about by the pool, drinking pina coladas?

Well, maybe not hahah. But still, it was warm. AND THAT IS WHAT I AM MISSING!! Heat in the air, but soon it will be spring, and I almost have a kick in my step, and after spring comes summer. And for once, I am not in a bad mood.

Yeah, thats what I thought too! (At this point I am almost certain you are all in a state of shock)

AND! To make me even happier, my friend told me that the show Life On Mars returns on Tuesday 13th Febuary!! So don't try to contact me when it's on, because you will be barked at down the phone or shooed away from my door. I WONT EVEN BE ON MSN!

How is he in 1970's Manchester?

TELL ME?!?

Ahh well, it's the 2nd and final series so not long to find out :)

I would still love to see John Simms as The Doctor, but I imagine he would get typecast if he did two time travelling roles.

Anyways, I am off folks, beer has to be attended to and stuff like that.

Buh bye!

Kristoff XXX

Bored, so, I felt like blogging

2007-01-23T11:55:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I feel I should blog more regulary, I thought I blogged loads last year, but it turns out, I didn't actually.

So yeah, keep y'all up to date, I am single again, but I shant air my laundry in public over the internet for anyone to read, so if you want to know more, then feel free to ask and I shall explain. I'm not too happy about being single, as would anybody who spends nearly two years of their life being single, finally finds someone, and it doesn't even last a full 7 days, 6 days is all it lasted, and thus meaning, Valentines Day will be horrible, just like last year, and the year before last, and the year before, and the year before that I probably didn't give two shits.

In all honesty I probably still shouldn't give two shits because it's not even a proper holiday, it's what I would call a Hallmarks Cards holiday, an excuse for florists to increase the price of red roses from £1 a rose to £2.50 a rose, for shops to get loads of boxes of chocolates in that fell off the back of a lorry and flog them at "2 boxes for £5" ... WHY? You buy your girlfriend two boxes of chocolates and insinuate she is a fatty hefferlump and will scoff a box whilst you nip to the loo or something?

OR

Are you buying two boxes because you are a filthy man whore with two girls on the go, there is no need to buy two boxes of chocolates for valentines day, I just don't get it. Maybe it's because I am old and grumpy or something. In fact, the more I think about Valentines Day the more infuriated I become, already all the shops are full of little white teddy bears with red paws and holding little hearts which say "I Wub You" and soppy crap like that.

Thing is, if I had someone I would probably fall for it, which is not only sad, but infuriating as, it would cost me money, and the thought of me spending money on a hallmarks cards holiday is pissing me off SO much I have forgotten that when I first came on here, I HAD NOTHING TO RANT ABOUT AND NOW I AM AT THIS POINT I AM FURIOUS AND READY TO STOMP ROUND THE CORNER TO THE LOCAL CARD SHOP AND SHOUT

"OI, YOU, NO!!!"

But I am going to calm down, this is doing my blood pressure no good, and I want to live past 27 ya see.

No, I can't do it, I am now going to hold Claire single handedly responsible for making me pissed off about Valentines Day, if I was still with her, I would have hap-hazzardly gone and burnt money on a cutsey teddy bear and a card and other such tat that was made in a sweat shop in Taiiwan, and not cared because I would felt all cutesy and in love, but no! I am single, I think about being alone on Valentines Day, it gets me down because I don't want to be alone on the international day of lurve, but this makes me angry, because I hate Valentines Day anyway, because of how phoney it is, and the fact it is just making money for business men in suits in high rise offices in London, and then I start thinking that I was going to go waste money on that shit and it's a vicious circle that doesn't seem to end, and my head is killing and I am typing a bazillion words a second coz i am THAT pissed off.

END

Stupidly Bouncing Happy

2007-01-10T14:35:00.000-08:00

Well, 2006, for me, sucked, I think if you read my blog as often as I ought to update it, you would know that, from both my regularly sporadic ranting and my review of the year.

Well, this year couldn't have started better. Yesterday I spent the day with a very special girl called Claire, I shant embarrass her by putting up a photo haha, but rest assured she is very special and beautiful. We just chilled at my house watching BASEketball (twice) and cuddling on my sofa.

Then after Claire went back (she lives in Preston sadly), I went to see my dad at his work as we went to the nurses club for a pint or two, it was ok, nowt special.

Then my dad dropped me back off at home, where I came online onto msn. I was talking to Claire, and I said how much I enjoyed spending time with her, and after a lot of talking, I confessed that I wished I kissed her, Claire said she felt the same... and, to cut a long story short, I asked her out, properly, and, well, I wouldn't be stupidly bouncing happy if she said no, so obviously, she said yes.

So here I am, the boy who thought he would never have someone special in his life, with an extra special girlfriend, who is amazing and I am so happy to have her.

Last night I hardly slept, I was just so excited I had found someone, I had about two hours of sleep, and then spent most of the night trying to sleep, it wasn't much of a success.

So, off I popped to college, grinning like a lunatic (apart from at lunchtime when I felt ill) feeling so happy all day.

I was very happy until about half way through writing this blog, as my dad had a go at me, for not putting away all the washing up from tea. What I don't understand, is he makes tea and makes a mess, I have to wash and put away. I make tea and keep pans to a bare minimum, I have to wash up and put away. My dad leaves me things to do, I am expected to do them, I leave my dad things to do, I get shouted at for not doing them. Sometimes I just don't understand this.

But anyway, on a lighter note, I love Claire so much.

Kristoff

xxx

2006 - The Annual Review

2006-12-31T11:49:00.000-08:00

January

Sucked

Febuary

Sucked

March

Sucked

April

Sucked

May

Sucked even more

June

Suprisingly alright, my bands first gig

July

Sucked

August

Moved into Layton, fantastic

September

My birthday - Sucked

October

Sucked

November

Pretty sucky

December

Total sucked

Christmas comes but once a year,

2006-12-22T14:17:00.000-08:00

And thank god for that,
It's bloody dear!

So, yep, it's that time of year again people, the season of goodwill, AKA the season of being nice to those who piss you right off and then you have to write them a christmas card, even though you quite frankly couldn't give a toss if they were found dead in the gutter (I am thinking of a certain parents boyfriend here).

I have been a right scrooge face this year, I have only gotten family members and close friends xmas cards, and only gotten my parents christmas presents, well, getting, as I am getting my dads xmas present tomorrow, and how did I afford his bloody expensive christmas present.

CAROL SINGING!!

But, oh no, none of that

"We wish you a merry christmas and a happy new year" *holds hand out expecting a few quid* bullshit, nope, not for me, I went round the houses in my local area, with my guitar singing Slade's famous xmas song, "Merry Christmas Everybody", and in just over an hour, I made fifteen quid, which quite nicely has bought me two bottles of cheap plonk, and £10 to go towards the £5 i already have to get my dads christmas presant tomorrow. I feel kind of bad spending £15 on my dad, and only £8 on my mum, but I feel my dad deserves it, he has had a shit year, what with my mum leaving him for a piece of shit, being homeless for a period of time, living with my grandad, living in a grey box room of a flat in St.Annes (it was horrible to see him there, and typing about it gives me bad memories of a time I never want to see again), whilst my mum had our home in Fleetwood with a piece of shit, and a murderer of a brother threatening my dad to keep away otherwise he will beat him up worse than last time.

Thankfully, this part of the year has gone, it'll soon be 2007, and a brand new year, when the horrible things of this year can be forgotten! So yes, on Christmas day, my dad will have his Windy Miller statuette that he has wanted for a fair few months now.

So, another thing I am getting sick to my back teeth of, playing fucking Last Christmas by Wham! And we have only played it once at a gig, but it's a total crap song to play, and for the record, I never really wanted to do it, I wanted to do Christmas Time by Cliff Richard!! Alas, I couldnt find chords for it anywhere!

Oh, in other news, TEPODD is expanding, alongside new recruit, Arran B on Keyboards, Jimmy Kage from Blackpools Senton Bombs, will be joining on trumpet and violin!!

Booyah!!

Merry Christmas all, and a happy new year!!

Kristoff xXxXx

Bastarding sodding grumping moaning whinging twat.

2006-12-03T13:02:00.000-08:00

Yes, thats me. Honest, I really do hate many things, and today I am going to take some time out of whinging about them outloud, to whinge about them via my fingers.

It's a bit hard being a middle aged bloke in the body of a 19 year old, things piss me off that shouldn't piss me off, and for me, the one big one I should understand, but don't, is technology. I am crap with it, give me a phone I break it within a short amount of time, it takes me about an hour of constant messing about with the leads, restarting the pc, etc, just to upload a couple of photos onto that internet phenomena that is Myspace. I shan't put a link onto it, I'm addicted, thats bad enough. Now, yeah, you must have already figured my camera is a camera phone. WRONG! No, it's a camera. I fucking hate people calling me on it, firstly it buzzes in my ear and is annoying, secondly, I ditest talking to people on the phone, especially when I am in public. When I am on the bus, one thing that annoys me so much to the point of me exploding with rage is people, in the almost Trigger Happy TV stylee, shouting down their mobiles. It makes me want to go to them and pull their phone away from their ear so they can concentrate on me, and explain, that just because their boyfriend/girlfriend/child/parent/spouse/other is 20 miles away, it does NOT mean they have to shout to them, the microphone in the mobile will pick up their voice.

So anyway, I don't like talking on my phone in public for that very reason, the fact that someone could listen in on my conversation scares me, I'm a private person. The other reason for me not wanting my mobile phone on me, is the only people who ring me is my cousin, Phil, and my mum. Both of whom are quite dull to talk to on the phone, the conversation mainly consists of listening to them breating. All in all, I really REALLY hate mobile phones.

So, at the moment, I am really starving and there is no food I can eat in the house, my dad ate all the chips, instant mash, etc, the stuff that you can have with fish, or pie, or sausages. This is annoying because I haven't eaten all day now. Whilst I am on the topic of food, Greggs.

Greggs and Hampsons are the most evil places on earth. They annoy me from the second I step in the shop. I put one foot through the door, there they are like a pack of lions making the sudden attack on their unsuspecting prey.

"Yes please?"

The woman behind the counter asks with a forced cheeriness to her voice... this is instantly annoying, because I haven't yet devoloped the skill of foresight, enabling me to know exactly what I want to buy as soon as I walk into the shop. I feel like shouting "You don't know me as a regular, you don't know exactly what I am going to have, and are asking "yes please" just because its part of your job!"

I mean, christ! Is it too much to ask for a little space when I go in so I can have a look what there is? So, anyway, after you have ignored her battle cry of "Yes please?", you go to look what is in stock to munch on. You look up. Her gaze follows you across the units. There is no escape, you're in her lair, you need to get something. Your mind starts to panic, you can feel it in her mind thinking "Hurry up, I wanna get back to chatting to Sheila", you can't believe she is willing you on using mind power, how rude!

You are left with the one option, Pasty or Baguette? Now, from a glance both look nice, I will use the example I was last confronted with when I made the mistake of popping into Greggs.

Steak Pasty or Turkey and Stuffing Baguette.

Both sound lovely, but look closer, the pasty will have contents the temperature and viscosity of magma 2miles below our feet, is guaranteed to burn the roof of your mouth and your tongue, so you are left with no sense of flavour for three days till the cells build back, or the cold baguette.

Oh sorry, I forgot to mention the third ingredient in the Turkey and Stuffing Baguette...

Mayonaisse.

Don't get me wrong, I love mayonaisse, but only when used right, and I can tell you now that stuffing and mayonaisse should NEVER meet. I didn't know this until I had foolishly bought the baguette however, although I still would have chosen the crappy texture of mayo and stuffing over the crappy texture of magma, but at least the pasty would have tasted nicer.

Anyways, what it all comes down to is never buy food at Greggs or Hampsons, you're treated like an inconvenience and you end up with crap food either way.

Oh, and the doughnuts are too fatty.

I'll be back for more grumping when my fingers aren't so sore.

General summery of things

2006-11-04T12:26:00.000-08:00

Well then. I know, I know. When I got this blog, I said I was going to regulary update it or something similar. Anyways, recently things have happened. College is ticking over, it's not the greatest time of my life, but hey, it's giving me £30 a week in EMA, so it's not all bad.

Then there is my band, The Emotional Problems Of Dirk Diggler, we're still going, we've played some amazing gigs, and some shite ones. Thankfully, there have been FAR many more amazing ones than shit. Even people who used to hate us when they first saw us have been converted to the Church of Diggler. Even emo's with fringes longer than their face, and stuck up indie kids!!

However, tonight is 4th November, fireworks are going off all around me, and it's scary for me. If I haven't told you before, I will explain why.

Two years ago, it was the summer, and I was living in Fleetwood, and I was cycling back home from Blackpool, out of nowhere a tropical thunderstorm started, I dived under the closest tram stop and decided to wait it out, and if it didn't get any better, try and get a lift home frome the father. So there I was, never had a problem with thunder and lightning then, and enjoyed the show somewhat, until... the biggest explosion I have EVER heard. It was deafening, and I had temporary tinitus after for a couple of hours! And it was a bolt of lightning right above us, car alarms went off, when the lightning hit the hotel in front of me, the ground actually shook, thats how big it was! And the hotel was set on fire because of the strike.

And ever since that day, explosions scare me when I don't expect it, I can go to a fireworks display and have a great time. But sat in the house with the music on, and every ten seconds BANG...

BANG....

BANG...

It's horrible for me, and I hate it. My friend is supposed to be here right now, but he hasn't showed up, he isn't answering his phone, and I could really do with his company right now. I have no alcohol for tonight, but I daren't leave the house coz of my fear.

Oh yeah, add onto that the fact that I am STILL fucking single, how can I be single and the lead singer of a band? I MUST be THAT inherently revolting. Honest, I am a really nice guy, don't be fooled by the alcoholic habits. Yer, thinking it through, I suppose I have now been single for 1 year and 8 months. Thats like, 10% of my life you know since I last had a girlfriend!!! And now I look much better and presentable than I did back then, and I'm not so fussy with who I am with.

Hells bells. I'm off.

Kristoff xXx

P.S. How come getting out of town gigs appears to be fucking impossible too?

I'm still here folk. A HUGE catch up

2006-09-11T15:25:00.000-07:00

Ok, so a special beautifl girl today asked where my ranting and moaning and pissing and bitching page was today. Ok, so not in so many words, but you get the drift. Those who are close to me know who this person is. I shant embarress her yet. :P

So, whilst it's on mymind...

The BBC Propaganda Machine

Can I start this bit off by saying, "Yes, it is September 11th", "Yes, it is 5 years on since those dreadful acts of terrorism were thousands of innocent civvilians lost their lives to the power of evil lunatics hell bent on taking the perverse parts of a relativly peaceful religion to the extreme in their Jihad" and...

"NO, THERE IS NO NEED TO SHOW THE FOOTAGE OF THESE PEOPLE DYING IN WHAT WAS EFFECTIVLY AN HOUR LONG PIECE OF PROPAGANDA ON BBC"

So yeah, for those who didn't see it on TV, it was a "Docu-drama" based on 9/11. It also came with the disclaimer stating that some events portraayed on the programme may be entirely fictional added for dramatic effect.

I feel my rant can stop here as the Beeb may as well have said "Holy shit, this is a bit of terror propaganda"

Thankfully they followed it up with Newsnight, which although I didn't watch because I hate Jeremy Paxman, they were posing the question that was "Can the war on terror ever be won" and "Should we have been pulled into it?"

And if you know anything about Paxo, he goes against everything, which I like about him, it's just his harrasing interview style I hate, he is quite rude.

All the more lighthearted shiz!!

Well, as I sit here listening to Cats (I love musicals as I am sure you all know) I think I shall do my favorite past time (other than drinking) and that is spout utter crap. So life recently, its taken a turn for the better.

I have recently moved in with my Dad. It's great here, I am near all my band and other friends, near my new college, Blackpool and The Fylde College, I even have a job with the greatest bosses ever Matin and Fiona at Blackpools new live music vene, Riffs. So, I have a home, without a twat of a mums boyfriend who couldn't organise a shag in a brothel, I have a college near my home, and a job to get me money, which is going to be spent on train fares to Preston to see Laura.

Laura is amazing. 'Nuff said.

So yeah, house, college, job, Laura. Could life be better?

I doubt it.. well, maybe if Rocky Horror Show came to town... that said, sing-a-longa at The Grand Theaatre in January, I will be there for a laugh.

Till next time folks.

Kristoff

Finger Exercise ... ahem

2006-08-09T11:20:00.000-07:00

Yeah... well, there is nothing TOO important in this blog. I am blogging because I am bored. Thats it... how dull is that. I can't think of anything to blog about at the moment, other than...

Last night I had a great bottle of Red Wine, called Ball Island (and if you know me, you will know my surname is Ball) I bought it purely on the strength of its name... that being it having my surname in it... I can confirm it was a bloody great wine. Made by Banrock Station. I have a soft spot for this particular wine producer now (don't look for Ball Island on the site, it's not listed as a) It's a new wine, and b) They mainly show off their expensive wines on the site as opposed to their cheaper wines (and imagine what their expensive Shiraz would be like if Ball Island Shiraz was so good eh?) so yeah...) where was I, ahh, yes... my soft spot, Banrock Station also do conservation work for the australian wildlife, which as an animal lover and a bit of a hippy at heart, I think is great news. Yeah, go to your local Bargain Booze or Thorougoods, and grab yourself a bottle of Ball Island, only £3.99 a bottle or £7 for 2!!. BARGAIN!!

Yeah, in other news, I am playing a gig on Sunday with my old band, The Deserters, I say band... it's actually just me and the old bassist playing acoustapunk or puncoustic, call it what you will. It should be fun hopefully, hopefully I will be HAMMERED!! Singing like a drunken twat is a great skill and takes seconds of practise. Ahem.

Also, later on, most presumably next week, there will be an organised visit to Pizza Hut, take advantage of the £3.99 pizza buffet, eating all the pizza we can cram into our fat little faces, and take advantage of the refillable drinks too, I don't know how long we are allowed to be in there, but we will try and stay in for as long as we can, and I am not eating the night before, so when I get there, I will be eating a SHITLOAD!! So if anyone fancies coming along, just leave me a comment saying you wanna come, and I will confirm dates and times with y'all.

I shall leave you with a link to a great Blackpool Band too. The Sound Of Superstring

Laters reader(s).

Kristoff x

A big catch up... It's been a while

2006-08-05T12:03:00.000-07:00

This blog contains : 2 gigs, A move of house and other rants and rambles. I will try and keep it in chronilogical order, be warned, I am on a laptop which I am not used to, so please forgive any spelling mistakes.

Ok, so then, first up, I will start with the first of the gigs which we played.

The Emotional Problems of Dirk Diggler, Live @ The Royal Oak in Poulton - 30th June

So, we were second on the bill on the night after the first act didn't show up, but we didn't go on earlier thankfully, we played a good show, and interestingly enough, for the first band on in the night had a fair few people stood in the "semi circle of appreciation" who looked to be quite enjoying the noises we were making. This made us happy, we had a fair bit of fun, we opened with UK Fans Can't Skank, Sheena Is A Ska Punker [Punk Rocker], Arthur Theme, The Ballad Of Sonny Gritts and finished off with a showstopping rendition of my favorite cover in the set, The Timewarp!! Oh yes, there I was jumping around like a crazed mentalist, probably high on sugar, but actually a wee tipsy on Guinness. This was a very much enjoyable show!!

So, on Tuesday, my Dad moved into his new house in Layton, so obviously as I am going to be living here more often than not, I was helping. It's quite a nice place, not too magnolia either with a warm yellow living room and a blue and yellow country style kitchen. My room however IS bloody magnolia, this shall change! Anyhoo, so I gave him a hand, which involved going to pick up the van, then picking up Alison who was giving us a hand, then flitting between various places to pick up my dads stuff, my grandads sofa as he wanted more room in his place, and going to get the beds, which mine didn't fit, so we had to go back to get another, all in all not very exciting, but it's a major thing in my life having a new home as well as my Fleetwood home.

Now I am gonna completely fuck over what I said about chronical order, as I am going to jump straight to last night (Friday 4th August) as I want to keep time wasting in one big chunk.

So last night was... The Emotional Problems Of Dirk Diggler, Live @ The New Bergeracs - Bolton.

Ok, so it was't mega packed, due to an annual young bands all day festival gig thing taking place until 11pm, and we were on at 9:15, but we wern't going to let that stop us from playing our best performance to date. The 10 or so people there seemed to enjoy it. We opened with UK Fans Can't Skank, then Arthur, then Sheena, then The Reggae Song, then Emo Suck, then The Ballad Of Sonny Gritts, and ending with the Time Warp.

Ahh, the Time Warp last night, probably my best performance of the song to date. It started with me walking off the stage onto the gear boxes at the front to sing a bit, then I climbed on top of the 8 or so foot high PA system, James the promoter came and held it steady for me, then about halfway through the first verse, I threw myself to the ground, still singing in mid air, Mully the bass-tard had to stop playing due to him laughing he was telling me after the gig, and then I was running around the venue, grabbed some randomers arm to drag him onto the dance floor, harrased him by not letting him off trying to get him to do the timewarp, I pelvic thrusted at the soundguy too. Then I climbed the PA again, and threw myself off... again, this time I did (for the second time and most definatly not the last haha) bust my lip open on my microphone, I ran to the back of the venue streathing my mic lead as far as I possibly could, then ran to the front of the dance floor and did the time warp (again)... then fell onto the floor. That was the end of that.

The promoter really liked us and is definatly putting us on at the next gig he puts on next month, which is fantastic news!!

*snipped*

Come see TEPODD live @ The Royal Windsor on the prom in Blackpool on 17th August!!

The Long Awaited Return Of My Social Life (With Added Surprises)

2006-07-23T11:00:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I was surprised too.

Oh what? You wanna hear about it eh?

Nah, no you don't really, but I'm a gonna tell you!! Bwaahahah *chokes*

Yeah, so it was Thursday, late afternoon. Quite content with the idea of my usual lifestyle of staying on the net like the big geek I am and not adventuring past the front door, but then Mully said something that was to rock my world, he invited me out to go to a par-tay. I know, I was shocked.

At this point recluse reflex kicked in (the ability to sub-consiously find any possible reason to not be able to make it, i.e. "I have no money", "I won't know anybody", "All that happens at a party is I get bored and start reading a book in a quiet room" (which happened) and other bullshit reasons along the same line.

It was then I realised, if I carry on with this absurd nature, I will only ever drink alcohol in front of a PC screen forever apart from when at gigs! So I took a chance and convinced my mum to lend me some money for beer & got on the 14 & set off for St. Annes. I read my book on the bus. It was a funny part of it.

I got into St.Annes, made my way to the party with Mully & Sophie (whose house it was) and bunged my beer in the fridge to get icy cold. The fridge smelt like crap. I held my breath. Then I sat in the front room playing some ska on teh guitar to cheer El up. We had a laugh with some guy who El was flirting with over the telephone much to our giggles on loudspeaker. I had a few beers.

It was then when some tossers showed up and just were cunts. They took a couple of my beers without even asking. They were loud and obnoxious (even moreso than me). So I went into the conservertory with Mully & Evil Gemma where it was quieter. I even locked the door. I also counted that they pissed me off in the space of 2 mins. A record. I have a very low tolerance for strangers & crowds. People just do these things, its like being on a bus and someone is on their mobile, and you hear the whole side of their conversation. I talk very quietly on my mobile in public, the person can still hear me, I don't need to shout down the phone, the microphone is right next to my mouth. Anyhow, I digress...

So, a bit of room hopping, I eventually got bored and just grabbed my book (said it happened), and I got chatting to Sophie. Then I made food for people as I was the only person present who was competent enough not to set fire to the place. Then I got bored, and went to bed.

A little while later, I was disturbed by some cunt with a deodrant can and a lighter, and he used it as a flamethrower. On me. So now I am suffering from first and second degree burns on my back. Which hurt like a motherfucker!!!

Oh, I also smoked weed for the first time this night. Did fuck all really. Over-rated.

Yeah, I know, I went out somewhere, but wait, it gets even better...

I went out last night, to an ace as tits gig at a pub round the corner at the Rossal Tavern, the mighty Garland Green & the ace as tits The Sound Of Superstring. Both bands fucking owned all, and I got to see a couple of mates I hadn't seen for a bit which was nice. Oh and Oz from SOS gave me the greatest put down ever when I was heckling Simon (the guitarist), I was in hysterics. You had to be there. I'm keeping it to myself though hahah.

Anyhoo, so after this ace as tits gig, Me & Rida (from GG) went to Mica's house with her and her boyfriend, we didn't do much, had a couple of drinks & chatted with her mum & her friends. But it was good to get tanked again (I was on Newcastle Brown Ale mostly yesterday)

Anyhoo, here I am now, typing about it, wondering when my social life will return again.

I'm off now, Laters.

Kristoff xXx

P.S.

THE EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS OF DIRK DIGGLER

LIVE @ THE ROYAL OAK

POULTON

6:00pm START - WE'RE ON AT 7:00pm

SUNDAY 30TH JULY

A general ramble I guess... many topics

2006-07-18T17:44:00.000-07:00

Ok then, I guess I should do this in order, but if the order goes out of synch, I'm sorry, I am slightly drunk & very stupid.

Actually, fuck order, this will come as I type it, I won't even delete anything I say except spelling mistakes, this will be a written silloquie (is that how you spell the fucker)...

So, the first thing that comes to mind is that my fit band The Emotional Problems Of Dirk Diggler, we played out first public gig on Friday 14th. We were a bit immense, probably one of the better bands of the night (but I guess that is down to opinion), although many people came up to me and said how good we are and how good a frontman I was (I am a far better frontman than musician hahah)

We played some rocking songs, started the set with Blitzkrieg Bop, which we MAGICALLY morph into UK Fans Can't Skank, Sheena Is A Ska Punker (Our take on The Ramones classic, Sheena Is A Punk Rocker), Pardon My French (Our ode to swear words, including the chant of "FUCK CUNT WANK SHIT FUCK CUNT WANK SHIT"), that song was swiflty followed up with The Ballad Of Sonny Gritts, (My favorite song of ours, the tale of a 1920's New York gangster Mully and I came up with who ends with a grizzly death, a powerful as fuck song)...

BUT!! We ended the set, with a great song to finish on..

THE TIME WARP!! I can't really think of a better song to end on really... and I'm not going to try.

I thought the audience could have been a bit happier, but there were too many younguns and too many chavs there I persume to even understand ska remotely... or my jokes... people got really offended at "How do you know when your sisters on her period? ......... Your dads dick tastes funny" and were offended by the chant in pardon my french.... FUCKING LOSERS!!

Next in the news is that my mums (dickhead) boyfriend is stupider than I thought, oh yes, he didn't know that a star was like our sun, he said "But the sun is massive and is out during the day"... get this, he thought a shooting star was a real star colliding with earth... and then tonight he asked me why a certain star had moved... I'm sorry, but how can ANYBODY be so obtuse?

Also, before I go, my band has two new dates ::

The Royal Oak - Poulton - 30th July
The Royal Venue - Blackpool - 17th August (Stand in bassist coz Mully is fucking off to Cyprus)

Right then chaps, my arm aches, I'm off...

Kristoff Out

I'm not dead!! ... Just in a convincing coma

2006-07-09T05:54:00.000-07:00

Well, actually, neither, I've just been busy recently. So I think its best I reassure you all, (not that you could really care), that I'm still alive! Hahah.

Well then, firstly, the biggest news this week is that my band have a song online, you can hear it at www.myspace.com/tepodd, the song is called "UK Fans Can't Skank" & is based on true events, about when me and some of the other members went to see Less Than Jake, and noone was skanking for the ska songs, just hardcore dancing. It's fairly basic, I'm not too impressed with my vocals, and the horns havent been recorded yet, but still, its getting good feedback. You can also come see us play on Friday 14th July, at Bispham Community Centre, its £2.50 entry, and we're on at 7pm.

I'lld like to follow that paragraph up with a new paragraph starting with the sentance, "In other news," ... but there isn't really any other news at all... except... Doctor Who, the finalé!

Yes! Doctor Who, The Doctor & Rose, their journeys through time and space together, over, finished, caput... and yes, I cried like a big sissy girl, three times no less. But what a great way to end a series, with the first ever time the Daleks have come face to face with the Cybermen. I also loved the great bits of comedy injected into that with the Daleks & Cybermen.

Cyberman : State your identity
Dalek : You will identify first
Cybermen : State your identity
Dalek : Indentify first
Cybermen : Indentify
Mickey (to Rose) : Blimey, it's like Stephen Hawkins meets the talking clock

There were many over moments of sheer hillarity, but it was followed up by Roses departure, and the way The Doctor looked so upset when she was heading into the breach. Then the scene with The Doctor & Rose both in alternate Torchwoods, with their ear against the wall, hoping to be able to hear each other, or sense them, but nothing, Roses tears, reduced me to tears (2nd time), then The Doctor walks away, he's lost someone he loved. Forever.

But then, Rose hears The Doctors voice calling her in a dream, and she follows that voice, to Norway, to a beach which translated into "Bad Wolf Bay", the last of the Bad Wolf references I expect. Where The Doctor transmitted an image through a tiny crack between dimensions, which would only last a few minuites, whilst he orbited a supernova, blowing up a star, just to say goodbye to Rose. Then Rose said to The Doctor "I love you", and he replies, being a typical Doctor, not showing the emotion of love to others, and then says, "I supose it being the last chance I'll get... Rose Tyler..." then his image fades away, and we cut to The Doctor in the TARDIS, first time ever seeing The Doctor crying, looking genuinly upset, the lonely god, travelling alone once again. I was in tears at this point... until... CATHERINE FUCKING TATE!!

Yep, CATHERINE FUCKING TATE!! That cunt shows up and ruins a great episode just by being her, why Russel, why cast that twat, she's as funny as a friction burn on your knob! I hope she is a good actress on christmas day, otherwise I shant be best pleased.

Anyhoo, I best sign off before I get to wound up.

Buh bye!!

Kristoff

P.S. www.myspace.com/tepodd ... you know you wanna listen

What a day

2006-07-01T17:45:00.000-07:00

Well then, today was a trip to Liverpool to watch the Rocky Horror Show, for the second time round! And what a day it has been.

Started with a leisurly drive to Blackpool Vic for my dad to get his surgical scrubs (will explain later) and then followed with a drive into Liverpool, on the back roads. We passed about 20 trac'ors (I refuse to call them tractors, it doesn't sound like what they do), we also had some aggro off a few lunatic drivers, it appears that people in Liverpool know not how to control a car, even if they *alledgedy* hold a UK driving liscense!

When we got to Liverpool, we looked for a cash machine to get money to purchase some grub. Did you know, its nigh on imposible to find a cash machine near The Empire Theatre? We eventually found one, next door to a music shop, so I went in there for a moch at the saxaphones, because as soon as I have a job I am going to rent one out and give it a whirl, hopefully I should be a natural lol! My dad ooked queasy when he saw the £300 price tag haha.

We then went to a restraunt, which I think EVERY town should have one, called May Sum's. It's an all you can eat chinese/cantonese buffet restraunt, where you sit down, order yourself some drinkie poo's, we ordered Tsingtao Beer, which was beautiful by the way, and proceeded to get some grub on our plates. Now this place is brilliant if you are cultured, or at least open minded, however, a few things saddened me, things I would want to change. I shall make a list...

They have chips on the buffet table. I'm sorry, but if I ran the place, I would refuse to serve chips, as people can get their sodding chips down any cunting fast food shop (except Subway hahah) and, besides... what's so good about a few deep fried spuds anyways?
They serve sweet and sour pork, chicken and beef. I hate it. But not only that, you ask your everyday englishman/woman what their favorite chinese food is, and they will 70% of the time say sweet and sour pork/chicken/beef/all three. Yet at this place they have such joys as sezchaun style ribs, and vermicelli noodles, and black bean coated beef, and beef in a ginger sauce, and such joyous foods you don't get to eat every day... but NO! I saw a woman pile half of her plate with egg fried fucking rice, and the other half with sweet and sour cunting chicken. WHY?!?! ... and I thought that was bad, until her husband got half a plate of chips, and half a plate of sweet and sour chicken. THEY PAYED £6 FOR THIS MEAL!! CRYING OUT LOUD, GET YOUR MONEYS WORTH AND EXPAND YOUR TASTES AND BECOME MORE CULTURED!!
Chopsticks... a severe lack of, although I suppose this is for the uncultured fucks of the chips and sweet and sour chicken generation, that they only provide a knife and fork on the table. So if you feel like being adventerous and giving something new a try (or in my case an art I have mastered), and using chopsticks, you have to ask, they keep them hidden away in a draw under where the food is, not in plain view so anyone can pick some up and try it, which brings me to think, what a lazy breed of human we are these days.

I did see a few other people using chopsticks... they however were all chinese, I felt quite proud of myself though, I felt that by using chopsticks, it shows that I am more than happy to learn from other cultures and embrace it, I at home, have two pairs of chopsticks (granted, stolen from chinese restraunts, but hey, where else do you see them)... but I hope that when they saw me they we're quite happy to see a non chinese person using the chopsticks, correctly, as I do recall once seeing some fat fuck just stab food with one chopstick and eating off it like a skewer.

Another rule they have there which I think is briliant is, that if you waste food, you pay more. I need not rant on about it. Its plain obvious why it is genius! (And secretly, I hope uncultured cunts waste lots of food just to make them pay more for being fucking morons)

Anyways, after that, we set off to the Empire Theatre, with surgical scrubs in the bag, went to the toilet and changed into them & got the rubber gloves out... for those who are unfortunate enough to have never gotten the chance to see The Rocky Horror Show, firstly, I pity you... secondly, we were dressed like this, because the main character, Frank-N-Furter, during the creation scene, where he brings Rocky Horror himself, to life, wears hospital scrubs... well technically, he wears a surgical gown. But hospital scrubs will suffice, next time though, full drag for me.

Anyhoo, suffice to say the show was brilliant, as it was the first time round, and I'm now off to look into the dates, and location of, the shows in Stoke later this year.

Toodleoo!!

Kristoff xXx

What ho? Some news about my band

2006-06-27T16:14:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, I promised a couple of people a rant on the compulsary ID cards, that the Labour Party intend on bringing into effect, and that the only political party who oppose it are the Lib Dems... anyways, I'm far too happy to be so much of a grumpy old man and start ranting on about political stuff today.

BECAUSE!! My band played a quasi show today, at my colleges "FECFEST", so named after the refectory where it was screened from the TV Studio was in the refectory, lovingly nicknamed, The Fec.

And it was brilliant, I forgot lyrics to Man! I Feel Like A Woman, but because we were playing such absurd songs people loved it, everyones faces lit up when we burst into the theme from Arthur (Believe In Yourself by Ziggy Marely & The Melody Makers) we had folks skanking. Overall we had great fun with it, especially when our bassist Mully got on stage and we played our original song "UK Fans Can't Skank" & followed it up with "Sheena Is A Ska Punker"

After that I made my way home, after getting distracted by a "water sculpture" called Appearing Rooms by German artist, Jeppe Hein... it's called a "water sculpture"... I would call it a great bit of fun with fountains... so I went playing in it with my mates Mik & Calum, and when all the fountains were up, I decided, "I'm already pissed wet through, what the hell!!" and went and ran through all of the rows of fountains, much to the delight of onlookers.

Anyhoo, so I got home, went to sleep for three hours because I was shattered, woke up and came on the net. blah blah blah.

And gotten talking to a band I am friends with The Upstarts... they're very good, and we were tlaking about having a porn themed gig down here, they hail from Aberdeen by the way... but its not looking good on that front, so I just emailed them earlier, about the possibility of, at the end of August, we go up to Aberdeen, with a coach full of our fans, and us hahah, and do a porn themed gig up their neck of the woods.

Anyways, thats all, and I'm sorry I'm not my usual ranting self. I will be back on form tomorrow and carry out my promise of an attack on ID Cards haha, weighing up the pro's and con's... I still think I need more time anyways to sort out my arguments for it.

Anyways, till next time.

Kristoff x

God hates gays apparently... but he also hates shrimps!

2006-06-26T15:05:00.000-07:00

I dont know if anyone has ever heard of the hate-mongering website www.godhatesfags.com .

You know, one of those sites which have these extreme fundamentalists views, probably worse than Islamic Fundementalists, who take quotes from an ancient book (half of it being fictitious) known as the bible, and morph it into the way they want.

"SODOMY IS AN ABOMINABLE SIN, WORTHY OF DEATH.
"If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them." Leviticus 20:13. "Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them." Romans 1:32"

BULLSHIT...
BULLSHIT...
BULL FUCKING SHIT!

I was taught in Sunday school that God is all loving for all of his creatures and forgives very easily, I mean, surely, if God was this infallible being, why did he put, what is regarded by the extremists in the christian church, fault in humanity, that being, whatever makes certain people homosexual?

If God is such a genius to have created Earth and all that is, surely he could fix this "fault", if its so wrong. If God is such a genius why did he make other mistakes then?

www.godhatesshrimp.com

It may sound like a parody, but, maybe to some extent, BUT, if we take in the same rules, and manipulation of biblical text, Shrimp, crab, lobster, clams, mussels, all these are an abomination before the Lord. I would like, if I may, to quote some passages from the bible at you all;

Leviticus 11:9-12 says: 9 These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat. 10 And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you: 11 They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination. 12 Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.
Deuteronomy 14:9-10 says: 9 These ye shall eat of all that are in the waters: all that have fins and scales shall ye eat: 10 And whatsoever hath not fins and scales ye may not eat; it is unclean unto you.

What do you make of that? Salmon is perfectly fine in Gods eyes, so is the Shark, the Swordfish... although I don't know where Jellyfish or Portugese Man O' Wars (since they are creature made out of thousands of smaller microscopic creatures) fall into this. But according to this Shrimp, crab, lobster, clams, mussels are all an abomination...

Yet, the all knowing, infallible Lord Allmighty created them... even though he hates them? What?!!? He made something he hates? Well, blimey, thats hypocritical mister God sir... why do you do these things and then say, "Oh, actually, I hate it" ... I wonder to myself,if it was like when a band do a song and it gets to number one, and gets so popular that they then hate the song and never play it again?

So there you have it, proof that God isn't all that infallible... although, that isn't in anyway proof, but none of those quotes from the bible are proof that God hates homosexuals and crustacean. So, I feel, if they can jump to those rash conclusions, nothing is stopping me.

PS. Visit http://www.godhateshomophobes.com/ . Unlike those other websites, they don't need to quote from the bible, because, if there IS a God, he would probably hate hatemongers more than homosexuals.

Thank you and goodnight. Again.

Kristoff xxx

I wanna write a musical

2006-06-26T11:05:00.000-07:00

Yes, thats right, I wanna be the next Andrew Lloyed Webber... or preferably the next Richard O' Brian.

I wanna write a goddamned musical.

However, before I would go about starting the songs, I would need to have an idea where the musical is going to go, and a basic plot. Alas, I'm not the greatest mind when it comes to stories. I have had a couple of shite ideas, and I will tell you about them.

The Tale Of Sonny Gritts : My band have a song called "The Ballad Of Sonny Gritts". Sonny Gritts is a gangster, and the song my band have is about his watery demise. I thought about telling his whole life story through song. Now this, this could be a brilliant idea, the only gangster musical that springs to mind at present, is Bugsy Malone... and we all know that is shite!

Some daft old band story : Not my suggestion! I hasten to add, there has only been one, and will only ever be one good musical about a band, and that is Hedwig & The Angry Inch. No musical about the life of a band will ever really be remotely interesting, no matter how rocking the songs are. Half the point of a musical is to tell a story. You can go to a rock show to hear a few old songs.

And it was at this point, I had an imagination failure, I guess you could call it writers block, I fell at the first hurdle, stopped writing before I even started writing.

I'm a failure, the critics will never get to appreciate the music I long to perform on stage, oh my, what am I to do? ... Umm, sorry about that, just a drama queen moment haha.

It is however, my intention, to actually write a musical, and star in it, like I said, I want to be the next Richard O' Brian.

Till next time, give me diction luvvies

Kristoff x

A Long Way Down

2006-06-24T09:47:00.000-07:00

I am currently reading a fan-FUCKING-tastic book.

It's by Nick Hornby, and its called "A Long Way Down", its about a group of four people who met on the roof of a high rise building (well, I think it was 14 storeys) called Toppers' House.

The four lead characters are :

Martin - A shamed breakfast TV presenter who slept with a fifteen year old, it wasn't his fault, she was in a nightclub and claimed to be of legal concent.

Maureen - The poor woman, a devout catholic, single to a mother to a severely disabled boy of nineteen years called Matty, he can't speak or walk, and who knows if he can hear, see, or understand the world around him, Matty is just a vegetable, and has crippled Maureens life leaving her stuck in the house to look after him 24/7, and bless her, she bought posters and thinks a teenager would love for him.

Jess - A nineteen year old girl, personal problems such as her sister dissapearing a few years ago, parents she constantly argues with, and an ex boyfriend who won't give her a reason why he dumped her and avoids her at all costs.

JJ - An american pizza boy, working illegally in England after his girlfriend dumped him after his band split up. He believes she dumped him because he wasn't going to be a rock star, and after his band split up he feels he has no destination in life, other than flipping burgers till he was 61. (Although in this day and age, the retiring age could be about 80/90... so don't hold your hopes to high JJ)

The reason these four strangers met up there, was because they we're all going to commit suicide. Until one thing leads to another, they decide Jess is far too young to throw her life away, she claims that she wouldn't commit suicide if they found her ex, Chas, and got an explanation from him, so they come down from the roof, and the story follows their journeys in their life.

They start meeting regulary at Starbucks Coffee (Only because a decent coffee house had changed into Captain Coffee, with the coffe shop owner dressed in WWII clothes, saluting and such irritable nonsense) And they almost form a group of people to at least get them to St Valentines Day, where they would go over things and see where they were.

Anyways, I won't divulge much more on the book, other than the two things it has brought to my attention... Suicide, and names.

Suicide ::

Ok then, so, in Layton in Blackpool, there are about 5 high rise council flats, once all in a lovely shade of, yeah, you guessed it... grey.

But recently, one of the flats turned beige... then it got some orange stripes on it, then the one next to it turned beige, and got blue stripes on it, and now another one turned beige, and they are currently adding burgundy stripes onto it.

This brings me to my question :: Is this a desperate attempt from a local council, to make suicide rates drop?

I ask this, because, I imagine, spending at least one DAY of your life, 30 meters above ground, staring out at chavs in hoodies with ASBOS' doing happy slappings and the like, living in a grey cuboid, I'm certain it would drive anyone to suicide. So what I have guesstimated, that rather than doing the hard jobs first, of slaughtering every kid they see with daft as fuck "tramlines" (which are daft lines in the side of your head) or anyone wearing an Ecko hoodie, or a tracksuit, or perfectly white trainers wearing paint staned tracksuit bottoms and a sweatshirt, or anyone wearing a peaked cap. Then they can move on to slaughtering all football hooligans. After that, they can move onto those bastard goths who insist on being miserable, because, I know a few goths who live on council estate areas, and surely that can't be too good for the wellbeing of all the local folk's sanity can it now?

So what I am praying, is that this feable measure to reduce suicide attempts (although from the top of these 30 odd story high buildings, once you have jumped off, I highly doubt its going to be an attempt, as an attempt would insinuate, you tried and failed, and I wil pay good money to someone who jumps off with no protection, lands head first, gets up and says, ow!)

And now my second point ::

Names ::

In the book there is a character called... well, thats the whole point, even though only a minor character, he still doesn't have a name, well, rather, he does have a name, he just chooses not to use it. Instead he lets people use their imagination to give him temporary names, and can have about 300 different names in a day, yes, I suppose he is a bit of a hippy character, but you have to love hippies, or at least give them some 'spect, for sticking in their ways.

In the course of about two pages he gets called :

Dog - Coz he had a dog with him.
NoDog - Coz he didn't have his dog with him.
Flower - Coz he picked Jess a flower.
Ashtray - Coz thats how he tasted when Jess snogged his face off.

And it made me think of an interesting social challenge, I intend to go to a friends party and not use my name, and let people call me whatever they feel like, as long as it is descriptive and imaginative, not cunt, or fuckface, or such purile naughty words (says me haha)

Anywho, that brings me to the end of this blog and Doctor Who will be on in 30mins, so I don't wanna miss that.

Love from Kristoff

Deal Or No Deal & Political Parties

2006-06-23T17:39:00.000-07:00

So, there I was, happily playing away on an online game I have come across lately, based on the popular TV gameshow, Deal Or No Deal, the online game, although being a bastardised american version of the english one, is still 100% addictive, and far more interavtive than the TV version, however you can't shout "YOU FUCKING MORONIC CUNT" at your PC screen, because you are, yourself, the fucking moronic cunt in question.

But yes, I have played this game about 20 odd times today, and it hasn't managed to get boring once, just fucking frustrating.

Anyroad, there I was, playing on it, when my mate Dan, suggested I wrote out a Manifesto for if I was in charge of a political party. I think political party is a daft term as I have never seen Tony Blair with a party blower in his gob, a shiny pirate hat strapped round his head and with some cheap, warm white wine from Bargain Booze in a clear plastic cup in his hand.

But... here goes nothing.

Cap Tax - Yes, tax those bastard cunts who sit on street corners with baseball caps perched on the back of their heads so that the peak of it sticks up at 45 degrees. Every time the wind catches the peak and blows off, it means they have to buy another one, but they get taxed every time they buy one of those.

Ban Cars & Make Public Transport Free - I fucking hate cars, I really do, and sadly, one day, I'm going have to learn how to drive one of those fuckers. They piss me off so much, because people get into them, and turn into wankers, shouting at red lights, and shouting at the car in front of them because they're going 27mph on a 20mph road. It's absurd. I rely on public transport or my feet no problem, why shouldn't they?

Make It Legal For The Homeless To Steal From Supermarkets - I needn't say much on this, but people who are homeless are humans too, and everyone deserves rights to comfort, they should be able to have food if they need it and not get spat on by wankers in the street when they have to beg.

It Is Treason To Not Agree With Me - Yes, if you dissagree with me, off by t'head. I needn't do with people with imaginations*

Condoms For Free In Pub Machines - I am sorry, but why should shy men have to go into pubs for condoms becase they are too shy to ask for them in a chemist. Even if its for a good ol' bit of rumpy pumpy, or for a posh wank.

*This is only half a true law I would bring into effect.

So there you have it, a list of laws I would have in my manifesto if I were the leader of any political party. Anyways, I best be off emailing these to Uncle Tony if he wants the labour party to stay in power next election.

Good night

xxx

A gripe about bad lager & a cheer for Transvestite Shows

2006-06-23T15:44:00.000-07:00

Well then, just been out to the pub with my dad (you may remember me mentioning my parents splitting up, so this is one of my favorite places to meet up with him), and we wen't to some pubs in Bispham.

Firstly we hit some place on the seafront where we politely waited in turn until we realised that the *gormless looking* barman was serving regulars and his friends as they came up and not noticing us... so we left, my dad in a huff, me in desperation of that sweet sweet beer.

Then my dad suggested we go to the Bispham Hotel... I warned him it was a grubby old blokes pub ran by a private brewery called "Samuel Smiths". According to their Wikipedia page (a site I often find myself browsing in the search for knowledge to fill my idiotic mind with useless facts with to baffle friends and family down the pub) it states, and I quote (but you can check the page if you don't belive me)

Ayingerbrau Lager gained a cult following in some parts of the UK and a beer drinking challenge is held annually. In 2006, the lager was renamed to Alpine Lager.

I can understand the cult following, as only a crazy cult who believe Earth was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster* could possibly imagine this was a tasty beer to go crazy for.

*This isn't a real religion, and if you follow the hyperlink you will discover for yourself, that it is a satirical text and is well worth a read, I shall be purchasing my copy when I have a job

However, I do believe that the beer drinking challenge they refer to is actually managing to drink a whole pint of this ghastly lager. All this lager does to me is confirm my belief that independant breweries should stick to making beers and stouts, but never EVER lagers.

After that, we mooched on down to the Red Lion, a pub now popular with the yuppie crowd, you know them, the young folk with more money than sense, opting for the nice tasty £15 bottle of wine to have with them whilst they talk about tactics watching the nights world cup football (ghastly sport) match, instead of back at the grubby old blokes pub of the Bispham Arms, were they were drinking ghastly lager watching a ghastly sport (actually, we're halfway through the tournament and I have avoided watching a single match, I'm quite impressed).

Anyways, so while we where there, I was temporarily put off lager, due to that pint of "Alpine Arse Juice" ... or whatever it was called, and opted for the poor student alcopop of Blue WKD, this was tasty and went down my throat quite nicely and rid my tounge of any vile shitty lager tastes.

Then I got myself a nice pint of Carling Extra Cold (which is incidentally now owned by the coors company, famous for making nasty bottled american lager which is only tasty on draught... which is hardly ever availiable), which as it says, was nice and cold, and splendidly refreshing sat in a beer garden on a warm summers evening.

Then my dad asked if I had found out about Rocky Horror Show in Liverpool, I had forgotten about it so quickly thought to myself and said "I couldn't find a number on the Rocky Horror Show site", whilst actually thinking "Oh cock shit bugger, I wanna go see it again but it's probably far too late to book a ticket and my own stupidity multiplied by my laziness and refusual to move from MSN Messenger have cursed me not to get to see The Rocky Horror Show for a second time in a month" ... maybe however, not in so many words.

So, my dad got the number and I rang up, and after hanging up, disscussing with my dad about the prices and wether it was possible, we rang up again and booked the tickets... there is no detail to go into other than...

"If you would like to hear about upcoming shows, press 1" etc, and I am sure you don't wish for me to go into details about that.

So, after booking the tickets my dad needed another drink, so he was on wifebeater and me on my prefered bevvie of Cralin Extra Cold. It was then I unleashed the beast... and started talking costumes, no self respecting Rocky Horror Show goer goes without some form of a costume, so after a whole shitload of nagging, I convinced him to go as Frank-N-Furter, in some of his works surgical scrubs whilst I go full Frank-N-Furter, high heels and suspenders. POW!!

Then I got on the tram home, got home to find my mum had put a pizza in the oven for me, I was quite happy as I was famished... only to my dissmay, I took one bite and the sheer intensity of heat brought tears to my eyes, let this be a message to you all...

Spicy Beef on pizzas is the DEVIL.

Anyhoo, I have little left to talk about now, I started this blog yesterday at quarter to twelve, and it is now quarter past twelve, so as you can tell, I have used up a whole half hour of my life telling no-one about everything... and I need a drink right now

Desert Island Discs

2006-06-23T08:01:00.000-07:00

Yes, I have stolen this off Craig's blog, but there is jack shit of fuck all happening on the net, and TV, so I though I would spend some time telling you about 10 CD's I would take to a desert island, should I have the beforehand knowledge that I was going to be in a plane crash above the sea near a desert island. Although, if I knew to take 10 CD's with me because I was going to be stranded, I would actually choose to not leave my house as the chances of my bedroom becoming a desert islnad overnight are slim to none.

So here I go ::

1) Reel Big Fish - Favourite Noise :: A greatest hits album of my favorite band. I think that explains a lot of it, but this album is brilliant, with songs about lesbians (She Has A Girlfriend Now), a cover of Ahah's classic song, Take On Me, and a song which opens with the lines "Well first of all, I'lld like to say fuck off, fuck off, fuck off, FUCK OFF!!", which I feel sums up me quite well.

2) The God Awfuls - Next Stop Armegeddon :: A great punk rock CD, by a totally underrated band, The God Awfuls are just brilliant, fast punk rock music to keep you stimulated on an island with no one else there.

3) The Smiths - The Singles :: Craig mentioned it, and I'm going to too, its a great compilation of the greatest songs by Manchesters most influencial band, The Smiths. Such an amazing voice and great haunting sounds, especially on "How Soon Is Now"

4) Massive Attack - Blue Lines :: Yeah, sounds daft, a great big ska punker like myself listening to chilled out trip hop, well, it does happen, and I am proud to say that Blue Lines is one of my favorite albums. Its such a great album to listen to on a summers day in the early evening with an icy cold can of Carling... which I am fresh out of, and I have no money at all ... boohissboo.

5) Less Than Jake - Borders & Boundries :: If only for the awesome song, "Gainsville Rock City" this album is a must, it's not the only reason I would take it, it has tonnes of great songs including about 6 live songs at the end of the CD. It's a great feel good punk/ska album.

6) [spunge] - That Should Cover It :: [spunge] are a brilliant UK based ska punk band, not as good as TEPODD, but bloody good nonetheless. Some great covers on it, including my favorite, Elvis Costello's "Olivers Army"

7) The Rocky Horror Picture Show OST :: This CD is brilliant, even though I don't own it, it is still brilliant, all the songs from the greatest musical ever known to man. I saw it live recently and was blown away, and the songs are just bloody fucking brilliant. Fact.

8) Pickled Dick - Panda-Moanium :: A great band on an indie punk label, their songs never get further serious than singing about pirates sailing the irish sea in "Ship Ahoy", attention seekers in "Hypochondriac", parties in the jungle in "Jungle Jam" or shemales in "Mike & Angelo". They're a brilliant band you have to love, its illegal not to... or it should be.

9) Goldfinger - Greatest Hits :: I love my greatest hits albums, its a great way of bypassing album filler, which sadly is a lot with Goldfinger albums, especially more so in Disconnection Notice, which, quite frankly is a whole album of filler, and just more proof that he should stick to being behind the recording desk, but, all this said. It's a fantastic album, which comes with a DVD with loads of videos on it.

10) A cd burnt on my pc, with all usefull audio from Ray Mears Survival programmers about being stranded on a desert island, because if I find myself in this position I would like to get off instead of just sitting there like a berk hoping for a boat to come past and see SOS written in stones on the beach.

... but, as Craig mentioned on his Desert Island Discs, consindering I'm going to be stuck on a fucking island and I doubt it has an electricity supply, and if it does, it's not really remote, and nobody said I could take a personal CD player or anything like that.

Well, all in all I think I have a good choice there.

See, two blogs in one day, I'm doing well

Ok, lets see if this one lasts more than a month

2006-06-23T07:16:00.000-07:00

Yes, this is about the fourth blog I have had!!

I got bored, forgot passwords etc with my last ones... mostly getting bored.

Well, I have been reading my friend Craig's blog recently, and it has inspired me to get round to having my own blog. I was also pushed towards it today whilst watching UKTV Foods show - Food Uncut, which replaced Great Food Bites, which was nothing more than a mere clip show of previous things I saw about a month ago, repeated regulary. So I am quite happy with the appearance of this new show.

On it they were saying about blogging about food, and recipes you have and if you want to slag off a restaurant you are free to do so. I won't be doing that, my recipe's are mine and I'm a curmudgeondy old git (at the tender age of 18) and I don't want theiving bastards stealing my ideas.

But all these factors have only minor roles to play in me taking up a blog. The main reason my blogs never lasted all that long before is...

My life was bloody boring before

And, even though, I am not yet running the counrty, nor am I running a small hamlet, and nor am I running anything inbetween... or anything quite as interesting as that.

I am finally finding things to talk about because my life has become interesting, I have a band, my parents have split up (not good, but its made a significant change in my life), I have been at college (and failed my course because of parents and stress etc), turned 18, so I go out drinking and forget things... so in actual fact blogs about my nights out drinking will be something more along the lines of ::

"Err.. wen't out last night, woke up on the floor at a mate of a mate's house... I don't know what happened, but my jaw aches"

So anyroad... I thought I would start off my blog with a few staple facts about myself.

My name :: I was named Kristopher David Ball... incidentally I still am. The name has a story. An embarressing one. I shall tell you.

My mum was a big fan (and probably still is sadly) of David Sole, famous for playing Starsky in Starsky & Hutch (No kiddies, it wasn't Ben Stiller, we're talking about the 80's TV Cop show) and I, sadly, was named after his son, Kristoffer David Sole. David Sole had a breif pop career, and recorded an LP with a song called Kristoffer David, that he wrote for his son, my mum love/s/d/(delete as nessecary) this song, and wanted me to be called Kristoffer David. My dad was quite happy for me to be called Christopher David, they eventually came to a compromise of taking the good bits of both names (the "K" and the "ph") to give me the name Kristopher David Ball.

My age :: 18, on the 3rd of September 1987... about 5 minuites of being named Kristopher David Ball, I was born, I don't know how much I weighed so don't ask... I never understand when someone says "I've had a baby", one of the first questions asked is always "How much did s/he weigh?"... I mean, does it matter? They have a baby and you want to know how many bags of sugar they are equivilent to?!?!

My hobbies :: Well, I play guitar in my affore mentioned band and sing in it too. We play ska punk music, which is fun indeed. We have trumpets and everything. I also like watching UKTV Food, as you may have gathered. Another hobby is drinking... a lot. I shall divulge more on my drinking exploits at a later date.

My job :: I am currently unemployed, so if you want to offer me a job, please, you're more than welcome to. I did however go for a job interview at Fleetwood's Subway, which opens on Wednesday, I hope I get the job I do!

Bands I like :: The Emotional Problems Of Dirk Diggler (they're fit), Reel Big Fish are amazing, and I met them all too! & Jethro (my mates band, we are talking about doing a split EP with them too!!)

Anyways, I think that is enough for right now, but I intend to blog AT LEAST once a week, and if I don't, just bug me on msn at :: krisballantieverything@hotmail.com or email me at kristoffska@yahoo.co.uk .

Thank you and good night